Should a Christian have sex before marriage? Why must you value purity while single? Is the Bible outdated when it comes to premarital sex? Firstly, let’s look at what courtship is not, so that you can understand the true meaning of Biblical courtship:

• Courtship is not living with someone you are not married to – that is co-habitation
• Courtship is not marriage – even though your end goal is marriage, you must not treat each other as if you are one; you are still brother and sister in the Lord and you must treat each other with integrity. You don’t belong to each other yet because you are not husband and wife
• Courtship is not casual dating – so, if you are dating for fun, or you are involved in an undefined relationship, you are not in courtship.

Some people believe that the scriptures about premarital sex are not relevant in this modern age. But this theory is incorrect because it is not in line with the word of God. The truth is that the totality of the word of God is relevant every single day and the scriptures cannot be broken. God’s design for marriage and sexual love is one man and woman committed to each other for life. The Bible says:

“Run away from sexual immorality [in any form, whether thought or behaviour, whether visual or written]. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the one who is sexually immoral sins against his own body.” 1 Corinthians 6:18

God’s expectation is that you must be pure in your speech, thought and actions and you must honour your body as the temple of the Holy spirit. Any sex outside marriage is sin. So, don’t sin against God and your body. Sex before marriage is like taking what does not belong to you. So, during courtship, it is important for you to establish boundaries based on the word of God; and respect those boundaries. And this includes physical, spiritual, and emotional boundaries. Both of you should not overstep those boundaries. When boundaries are removed, it is not pleasing to God.

If your intended spouse wants you to compromise and act in a way contrary to the word of God, that is a red flag; If they threaten to leave you because you refused to give in to their sexual demands, then let the person leave. Don’t lower your moral standards because you are bought with a price, which is the precious blood of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Second Timothy Chapter 2 verse 22 says:

“Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. Instead, pursue righteous living, faithfulness, love, and peace. Enjoy the companionship of those who call on the Lord with pure hearts.” 2 Timothy 2:22

Sex before marriage doesn’t bring people closer. Therefore, don’t try to explore sexual compatibility. Don’t try to figure this out during courtship. Don’t be the car that someone wants to test-drive and don’t be the driver that wants to test drive a car that doesn’t belong to you. You would only test drive a car because you want to compare it with one or more other cars; right? So, why test-drive a car when you are looking for just one car to buy?

You must enjoy each other’s company without the need for physical expression. There is no guarantee that if you have sex with someone, the person will love you more. In fact, your courtship may not proceed into marriage. It is important to guard against lust during courtship. In Second Samuel Chapter 13 verse 15, Amnon had sex with Tamar; however, he hated her so much afterwards and the hatred supersedes the love he had for her. He sent her out of his house immediately. Amnon had intense sexual desire for Tamar based on self-gratification. His feelings for her are not genuine and lust cannot have a happy ending. I encourage you to go and read this chapter in the Bible.

Sex is God’s idea and romance is good; but it must be within the boundaries of God’s timing and purpose. I love this scripture in Songs of Solomon, Chapter 8 and verse 4:

“I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, Do not stir up nor awaken love Until it pleases.” Songs of Solomon 8:4

This means that you must save sex for marriage. Love waits until the time is ripe; love is not demanding, does not lack self-control, it is not manipulative and does not want it now! Sexual purity is for your own benefit. And also, there are consequences of having sex before marriage and these could include the possibility of pregnancy, emotional pain, sexually transmitted diseases, and distress in the marriage due to lack of trust. Sex is more than a physical act. It is also spiritual and 1 Corinthians Chapter 6 verses 15 to 18 explains it all. The Bible says:

“Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.” 1 Corinthians 6: 15-18

Now, let’s talk about virginity. Virginity is a symbol of your commitment to God. Paul said in 1^st Corinthians Chapter 7 verses 1-2:

“Now as to the matters of which you wrote me. It is well [and by that I mean advantageous, expedient, profitable, and wholesome] for a man not to touch a woman [to cohabit with her] but to remain unmarried. But because of the temptation to impurity and to avoid immorality, let each [man] have his own wife and let each [woman] have her own husband.” 1 Corinthians 7:1-2

Further down in the Chapter, the Bible referred to the unmarried as virgins. Verse 25 says: Now concerning the virgins [of marriageable age]…

Also, in Acts Chapter 21 verse 9, Philip the Evangelist had four virgin daughters, and there are more examples in the word of God.

So, you can see that being a virgin is not old-fashioned; in fact, God’s expectation is for you to remain a virgin until you get married. If you are no more a virgin physically, you can renew your commitment to purity with the Lord right now and choose abstinence going forward. Repent and ask God to forgive you; It is who you are now that really matters to God. Romans Chapter 8 verse 1 says:

“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the spirit. For the law of the spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.” Romans 8:1

Do you have challenges with sexual sin, and you don’t know how to stop? Ask someone you trust to pray with you. And this could include your parents, pastor, mentor or a friend. God will help you and give you the grace to keep yourself pure. Yes, pre-marital sex is wrong! So, be exceptional and stand out for God and for your future spouse.

God Bless You!