It is important for you to make a conscious effort to ensure that the spiritual health of your heart is not compromised. If you are single and you like a member of the opposite sex, there is nothing wrong in reaching out, getting acquainted and being a friend. However, you must set boundaries and limit the amount of time you spend together – on social media as well as in one-to-one activities. This will help you not to get too close too fast and enable your friendship to grow because it takes time to get to know someone. But if you spend more time than is necessary with this person, you will get emotionally attached very quickly and this will lead to romantic infatuation; which means that you have crossed the boundary that God established for friendship.

The word of God says in Proverbs Chapter 4 verse 23:

“So above all, guard the affections of your heart, for they affect all that you are. Pay attention to the welfare of your innermost being, for from there flows the wellspring of life.”

As a woman, if you are hopeful and open to the possibility of a relationship with a man, you must ensure that your expectations are realistic.  If the man has not told you that he would like to take your friendship to the next level, don’t assume that one day, you will be together and don’t make him the centre of your life. If you start to think about the future where there is no commitment between the two of you, your expectations are unrealistic and you will get hurt when you discover that he doesn’t feel the same way about you. Don’t get caught in an emotional web with a man who is probably not interested in a relationship with you. Guard the affections of your heart and allow the spirit of God to align your expectations with reality. Let the man do the chasing, rather than trying to get him to notice you; and stop seeing every man as a potential husband; instead, relate with them as brothers.

The following steps will enable you to break free from unhealthy emotional attachment:

Develop a real intimacy with Jesus, the lover of your soul. When you experience God’s unconditional love and understand how valuable you are, it will become easy for you to be guided by the holy spirit. Read and meditate on the word of God daily so that your thoughts and actions can be aligned with the truth. And this will enable you to discern between reality and vain imaginations. Just as Ephesians Chapter 4, verses 22 and 23 says:

You were taught not to live the way you used to. You must get rid of your old way of life. That’s because it has been made impure by the desire for things that lead you astray. You were taught to be made new in your thinking.

Get busy and be happy about where you are. Discover your purpose and do the things that you enjoy.  When you are busy making impact, you will stop seeking someone else’s attention and love and you will be able to distance yourself emotionally from any unhealthy relationship. Remember how Boaz noticed Ruth and she didn’t even realise it because she was too busy to notice. But she was completely open to love when it came knocking on her door.

Build healthy relationships. You need people in your life that you can confide in and enjoy life with because God created us to be in relationships with one another. Create time for your family and close friends and be personally accountable to someone that you trust; so that you can seek counsel and advise when you need it. Make good decisions about who to spend time with and how much time you need to spend with them.

If your heart has been broken because of unfulfilled expectations, God is more than able to put the pieces of your heart together and make you whole again. He is an expert at mending broken hearts. The word of God says in Psalms 34 verse 18:

“The Lord is close to the broken hearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”

The Shulamite woman was hurt when she ventured out on her own. However, when she chose to dwell in the secret place of the almighty, with pure desires fully focused on spiritual growth, maturity and right timing; she said:

Then suddenly my longings transported me. My divine desire brought me next to my beloved prince, sitting with him in his royal chariot. We were lifted up together! (Song of Songs 6:12)

When you delight yourself in the Lord, he will give you the desires of your heart.